“Transformers: Dark of the Moon” is directed by Michael Bay and written by Ehren Kruger. It stars Shia LaBeouf, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Josh Duhamel, John Turturro, Alan Tudyk, Tyrese Gibson, Patrick Dempsey, France McDormand, John Dunn, Julia White and John Malkovich. It is playing nationwide as of today.
Ok, let’s get this out of the way: “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” was terrible. Besides the blatant racism, the film lacked enough Transformers-like action or fun to actually ever be truly enjoyable. Fun was constantly torn out from under you as a viewer by bad dialog or Megan Fox’s bizarrely unattractive face, add to this an indecipherable plot line and you left the cinema furious. It was an experience that I will never forget. This film has raped part of my childhood, but over time I’ve learned to rise above it.
However, because I am a geek and therefore a sucker for giant robots and special effects, when trailers arose for “Transformers: Dark of the Moon” I became cautiously optimistic. It wasn’t like I’d forgotten the horror, I was just willing to bench it for a chance to see more Transformers wail on each other. Unlike some people though, I vowed to remember that Michael Bay is a 50 year old pubescent teenager, funnily enough I don’t mean that with any spite attached. The man makes films for himself, low brow, big action, sex-fests. His love of cars, explosions and women are undeniable, his style hasn’t changed since the 90s and it’s not going to change now, to him he is just perfecting his craft.
The film turned out to be a glorious mess, but I was ready for that. Through the general chaos of average jokes and unnecessary slow motion camera work, there was enough enjoyable material to entertain my inner child. Enough, in fact, that I managed to enjoy the experience. The best way to deal with the film was to laugh at it, and the trick to enjoying/surviving it is to try not to hold onto anything for too long. Throughout the film you’ll get to points where something won’t make sense or offend you. Honestly, let it go. There is seriously so much in this film that’s broken, trying to rationalise it may prove fatal. Why is there a dark side to a moon that rotates as it orbits? Who cares!? Why would you para-drop into an area where planes are shot on site? Who knows!? Thinking is counter productive in a Michael Bay film. The first half of the film requires the most work and from there you will be rewarded with one solid hour of straight action. This was one of the film’s saving graces and besides the lack of a moral or any message to take away, it at least stays focused on its badly written story right till the end. It avoids distractions like robot balls or under educated cars and for that I tip my hat to Mr Bay.
“Transformers: Dark of the Moon” feels a lot like a really long version of his Victoria’s Secret commercials and would have probably worked better if Michael Bay had avoided dialog all together. The film may not have been much of a step up from the last film but he did manage to get back into what he does well, kick-ass action. Unlike “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen”, action was clear, simple and everywhere. This was the film’s only positive point, the rest was a mess. Turn off your brain and you’ll survive, don’t and you risk reliving the experience of the second film, and that is something I wouldn’t wish on anyone.
– Josh Philpott
